Depending on where you count from, this is at least the fourth federal election where social media has a major role. Despite this, there are still candidates coming unstuck because of their behaviour in the place where people want everyone to see them acting like no-one can see them. So many have been revealed just this week, it’s become difficult to keep track of them.

The first defence is always, “I was hacked,” – an excuse that always reminds me of the Shaggy song It Wasn’t Me. If you haven’t heard the song,  singer RikRok is caught by his girlfriend in flagrante with the girl next door and is advised by the rapper to just say, “It wasn’t me!”

Here’s how it might go in the election…

Hey mate, open up!
 – What’s up mate?
The voters just caught me!
 – You let ’em catch you?
I don’t know how I could let this happen.
 – Where?
Online, y’know?
I don’t know how I can get my credibility back
 – Just say you were hacked!

Voters logged on and they caught me red-handed
Banging on the internet
Picture this, I was posting all over
About Muslims and women and sex
How could I forget that the
Public could see my posts
Now they’ve all taken screen-shots
And they’re tracking down my internet host

How could you forget that all your online posts are visible
When you are there sharing memes that are so dank and risible
That you’re on the record is a truth that’s unconditional
Now you have to show them that you are not that despicable

If you’re gonna run you’re gonna have to be discrete
Need a cover story to avoid biting your feet
Tell them that a hacker tried to get into your feed
Just stick to the story and you might just save your seat

But I followed lots of pornbots
“I was hacked”
And I shared memes that were racist
“I was hacked”
I left some comments in a hate group
“I was hacked”
I even posted it on facebook
“I was hacked”

They saw my comments in a forum
“I was hacked”
Shared nude photos when I saw ’em
“I was hacked”
I put it in a WhatsApp thread
“I was hacked”
I even said I want them dead
“I was hacked”

Voters logged on and they caught me red-handed
Talking ’bout some Muslim folks
People posted memes in the comments
I thought they were pretty good jokes
How could I resist
Sharing them to my book of face
How could I be called bigoted
If Islam is not a race

Never let a journo say your excuse is in doubt
If you’ve racist followers then tell them they’re denounced
The words attributed to you never left your mouth
Seeing is believing so delete your whole account

Say the stuff they posted there does not represent you
Let the party leadership step up to defend you
Saying that some hackers said they were you on the net too
Now you are the victim of the people who resent you

But I posted it on twitter
“I was hacked”
Being all twisted and bitter
“I was hacked”
I even posted some weirdo porn
“I was hacked”
They photoshopped her like a centaur
“I was hacked”

I criticised a man ’cos he’s gay
“I was hacked”
Even though he’s in my party
“I was hacked”
I even tried to make a rape joke
“I was hacked”
And then I called some women fembots
“I was hacked”